Ek Ameer Biwi ka Mazloom Shohar {Ek Farzi iqtebaas Jashne Azadi ke Naam}

(Disclaimer: Yeh eik farzi iqtebaas hai rang o nasl ki tafreekh nahi sirf tanz o mizah maqsood hai)

Barey ghar ka daamad hona ek zamaney mein bais e fakhr hua karta tha, magar haqeeqatan barey admi ka kutta hona kaheen ziada behtar hai. Aksar log samajhtey hain ke daulat ke saath akhlaq aur tameez bhi ajati hai magar yeh ek gauhar e nayab hai jo ke daulatmand gharon mein aksar nahi payi jati, khusoosan rachore line, kharadar, ya lyari se uth kar defence ajaney waley ya nau daulatmand log kabhi apni asliyat nahi chupa paatey. Khwah woh kitna bhi parh likh lein, jhalat jin ke khoon mein basi ho woh us gadhey ki manind hotey hain jis par kitabein laad di gayi hon. Angrezi bolne ki hasrat mein 15 roz ke qabz huey marror martey pait ke (constipation) andaanz mein urdu boltey hain.

Aisey kuch shohron ko dekhne ka ittefaq hua jin ki biwiyan mill owners, barey builders ya phir naami girami tycoons ki betiyan hain aur choonkeh achey gadhon ki kami aksar auqat hoti hai to bahar se aye kabhi London aur kabhi America se jharu laganey waley ghair taleem e afata, mehz angrezi thokney waley gadhon ki bhar pur pazeerai hoti hai. Pakistan mein bhi parhey likhey gadhey hain, halal khor magar laalchi o moqa parast maa baap ki auladein jo sidqey dil se un ki ghulami ke liye khud ko pesh kartey hain aur aksar chun liye jatey hain. Kabhi beti ke naam par naya makan dilwa kar ghulami ka agreement karwa detey hain, kabhi petrol pump dila kar naukri par lagadete hain, kabhi manager bana kar bhagion waley kam kawatey hain, to kabhi mahiney ka kharcha bandh kar kuttey ki tarha dum hilaney par aamada karletey hain. Larki ke maa bap haqeeqat jantey huey bhi apni beti ke haath peeley karney ke liye raazi ho jatey hain keh agar who mar gaye to bachi ka kia hoga.

Meri nazar se bhi pichle kuch barson mein kuch aise azeem log guzrey jin ki halat e zaar ne mujhey aj yeh likhne par majboor kar rahi hai. Jin mousoof ka zikr mein aj kar raha hun un ki begum sahiba key barey mein batana is waqt maaqool ho ga go keh maqool aur unka dur dur tak koi rishta nazar nahi ata. (Mein rang o nasl ki tafreekh mein bilkul bhi yaqeen nahi rakhta lekin tasweer kashi ke liye zaroori hai keh mein yeh khaaka khenchon). Dikhne mein un ka qad mehz kuch baalish, wazan kilo nahi tons mein naapna maqool hoga, ankhein jaise kisi bhens ko shock dekr mara gaya ho, hath bhar chirya ke ghonsley jaisey baal, rang roop jaisey amawas ka chand aur kul jismaniyat bhens ko miss universe qaraar karwa dey, farq sirf itna hai bhens doodh deti hai aur yeh sirf munh se gobar ugalti hain. Awaaz ke barey mein kia kahun, yun samjhye keh churail ki cheekhein un ki awaz ke saamney taan sain ki thumri hai. Naaz andaz mein aur guftaar, subhnaAllah subhanAllah naa baron ka adab na rishton ka lihaz. Akhlaq to jaisey paida hotey hi bech khaye hon. Maa baap kionke anghoota chaap hain to unhein is baat se koi farq nahi parta keh un ki aulaad kia khurafaat ugal rahi hai bas mehz angrezi mein ho, unke liye itna hi kafi hai. Yateemon, miskeenon ki haq talfi kar ke kamayi hui daulat se aalishaan mehlaat aur makaan bananey waley, tax chor, aur us par hath bhar ki darhi aur sar par topi aur naam ke agey haji likhwana lazim qaraar de detey hain.

Is ke bar aks un key laalchi shohar e naamdar ki tareef o tauseef ke alfaaz nahi miltey. Intahai chamchageer tabiyat, zubaan par jhoot se labraiz guftgu, dikhney mein bilkul koi C grade film ke D grade star jaisey lagtey hain, jaali designer kaprey pehnney ka be inteha shauq rakhtey hain, lekin afsos keh koi dialogue likhne wala nahi milta. Jab bhi munh kholtey hain sirf bakwas hi afhsan hoti hai. Aksar larkey khandaan ke aitabar se nihayat shareef magar daulat parast maa baap ki aulad hain, sharafat aur ghairat ko jhanaum raseed kar key, faqt paisey ki khatir khud ko aur apney ghar walon ko biwi ka kutta banaya dete hain. Woh jab chahti hai shohar ko kisi awaara kuttey ki tarha gaaliyon aur dhutkaar se nawaz deti hai phir chahey woh koi mehfil ho ya apna ghar kahin sharam o lihaz nahi karti. Us par se sitam yeh ke choonkeh shohar lalchi hai usey agley roz koi mehenga tohfa de diya aur who phir ek baar kuttey ki tarha dum hilata hua ghoomta rehta hai. Jin mausoof ka zikr e khair kar raha hun unka bhi haal kuch mukhtalif nahi hai, is hi tarha woh apni biwi ki ghulami kartey aur rozana zaleel o khwar hotey hain magar majaal hai ke uff bhi kar sakein. Ibadatan tazleel ko Rehmat-e-Ilahi jaan kar qubool kartey hain aur yeh dua kartey hain “Ya Allah, jitni tazleel ho rahi hai us ke aiwaz acha sa falaana falaana gift dilwa dena”. Mausoof ke kuch rishtehdaron ne buht bardaasht karney ke baad yeh faisla kia ke ab un begum sahiba ki badtameezi par unka baaja baja deingey, aur kuch roz pehle yehi hua begum sahiba ne jab bad zubani ki to samney se un ke susrali khatoon ka jawab aya “tujhe yahin par nanga kardungi apni zabaan ko qaboo mein rakh”. Is tarha baar baar zaleel ho ney ke baa wojood begum sahiba ko sharam nahi ayi aj bhi woh be-hayai aur bey-sharmi se khud ko malika e husn samajh kar dhan dhanati phirti hain aur mausoof ki misaal us kuttey ki hogayi hai jis ka malik jab chahey usey dhakkey maar de phir haddi phenk kar phusla ley, badqismati se yahan farq yeh hai keh Allah (SWT)ne jisey insaan banaya hai usey lalach ne kutta bana dia. Kitney afsos ka muqaam hai keh log paise ke liye kia kuch bhi kartey magar yeh bhool jatey hain ke khel khatam ho ney ke baad shatranj ka badshah ho ya piyaada dono ka ek hi muqaam par jatey hain.

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